I Remember
As I’m sure you’ve noticed over the past 2+ years, I like to keep it pretty light-hearted over here in my cozy corner of the Internet. After all, laughter is the best medicine.
However, this little blog of mine has given me a voice and, sometimes, it’s nice to use it to educate. Even if that “sometimes” is only once a year, for a cause that is near and dear to my heart.
(Regular, nonsensical posting will resume tomorrow. I promise!)
Next week is National Eating Disorder Week. If you think that you or a loved one may be struggling with an eating disorder, I urge you to seek help. Eating disorders are a disease. They are nothing to be ashamed of. They are not about vanity, even though the media may lead you to believe otherwise. They are not something you choose. If they go untreated for too long, they will kill you.
As I’ve mentioned before, I struggled with an eating disorder in college. It all started when I was a freshman. Lonely and homesick, I thought that adopting a “healthier lifestyle” would be an easy way to lift my spirits and gain some self-confidence. While this may have been a good idea in theory, my new habits unintentionally spiraled into a series of obsessive and destructive behaviors.
The beginning of my sophomore year was a really dark time for me — much of which is now (thankfully) in my repressed memory. That’s not to say that I don’t remember the misery. I remember doing sit-ups in the shower, because it was the only place I couldn’t be caught. I had the bruises up and down my spine to prove it. I remember fainting in the stairwell. I remember giving up gum, because I couldn’t justify the extra 5 calories. I remember skipping class because, at 110 pounds, I felt “too fat” to be seen in public.
In October, I hit rock bottom. I remember the day vividly. I went to get my weekly weigh-in at the physician’s office on campus and learned that, in one week, I’d somehow managed to lose 3 more pounds. 3 pounds that I knew I could not afford to have lost. I remember being scared — for both my health and for the inevitable phone call home I’d have to make. I remember the doctor handing me pamphlets of information on Eating Disorder Recovery Centers in the area. I remember being told that I would need to leave school until I was better. I remember running back to my dorm room, throwing the pamphlets against the wall, and sobbing for days.
Luckily, my story has a happy ending. With the support of family and friends, I was able to get the help I needed and recover. Was it easy? Absolutely not. But it was worth every setback and grueling moment. I got my life back!
Signs That You or a Loved One May Have an Eating Disorder:
Dramatic weight loss.
Isolation.
Hiding behind big or baggy clothes.
Obsession with food, weight, calories, and/or nutritional information.
Continuous, rigorous exercise.
Visible food restriction and self-starvation.
Visible bingeing and/or purging.
Use of diet pills or laxatives.
Fear of eating around and with others.
Unusual food rituals.
Hiding food.
Hair loss.
Low self-esteem.
Frequent complaints of feeling cold.
Low blood pressure.
Loss of menstrual cycle.
Where To Get Help:
Treatment Centers
Recovery Information
Support Groups
National Eating Disorders Week begins on February 24th and extends through March 2nd. For more information, you can visit the NEDA website.
Be kind and love yourself.
XOXO
PS. Pressing “publish” on this post is terrifying. I’ve never been so candid on this topic before. I hope it helps someone!
I love you. EDs are horrible but in a way our EDs and recoveries brought us together as friends
p.s. I should never text anyone when I’m drunk. Sorry about last week hahh…I’m so annoying.
Hahahahahaha oh my gosh I forgot about that! I loved every second of it. A Valentines Day treat, for sure. <3
I passed out at 7 p.m.
alcoholic?
swapping one addiction for another?
It happens.
Thank you for sharing your story! I’m so glad that you overcame it!
Thanks for the sweet comment!
ahhh love youuuu! <3
<3
Thank you so much for sharing! As someone who has also struggled and overcame an ED, I really admire those who share their stories to help raise awareness. You’re lovely, and I’m so happy that you’re happy now
Thank you for your kind words, and I’m so thankful you are on the other side now! I can’t wait until Easter is over so we can go back to being Twitter buddies.
Thank you so much for sharing, I know it must have taken so much courage. One of my good friends went through the same thing. It takes a strong person to overcome it! So glad you’re healthy and happy now!
Thanks Sara, that means a lot!
Beautiful post Alyssa! It’s so important to spread awareness on these issues! I too have suffered, and really try to do all I can do for NEDA. Since it’s something near and dear to my heart and know just how life threatening they can be. It takes courage to share our most personal journeys like this, so thanks for that!:)
I couldn’t agree with you more. Thanks for the thoughtful comment, Lisa!
I thank God and you for this post.
This is how God works–I am struggling right now with an ED. I feel like I have no where to turn. I am using an online site for help and hopefully getting better. Please feel free to contact me by email. would love to chat more.
Have a wonderful day
Elizabeth
Good for you! Thanks for sharing…incredibly personal but look at how far you’ve come!
Thanks for your support, Gabby!
“Eating disorders are a disease.” Yes, yes, yes. It was so hard for me to get over that hump that this was something I brought upon myself. It was the kick in my pants I needed to get better and I am grateful everyday that I am doing well to do this day. Glad you are too! Thanks for posting.
And thank you for the sweet comment! So glad you are pushing your way through. It’s not easy. I commend you!
so courageous of you to share your story. also, i’m extremely happy that you love buffalo chicken pizza now (it is THE best)!
I will NEVER go back!
Dear Alyssa,
Remember facebook chatting 4 years ago about how miserable and unhappy we were?
I’m in awe of how far you’ve come, and how far you will continue to go.
You’re so damn special <3
- J
Thank you my Jenny. We will get you there! I promise! xoxo
Just catching up on the interwebs now. Lady, I have been right there with you, and we’re both very lucky to now see the other side, thanks to the support from our friends and family. Putting your story out there for others is terrifying, but it’s really helpful. I have mad respect for you!
ps. we WILL have our frienddate soon.
We will! Love you.