Hi, I’m Alyssa and I’m Super Awkward

Yesterday, Frank told me he’s never seen me be awkward.20130807-141054.jpg(Don’t ask.)

In other news, Frank is a raging liar.

I’d like to take this opportunity to disprove him and his asinine statement.  Here are some awkward things that I do practically EVERY SINGLE DAY:

Freak out over how to answer the phone.  Let’s face it; in the age of iPhones and caller ID, we ALL know who is on the other line when our phone rings.  That being said, does anyone else feel extremely uncomfortable answering your phone by ASKING “HELLO?” when you already know who it is?  Whether it’s a personal call or a professional call, I always feel like a cop-out.  FORCING the other person to identify themselves when, in reality, you already know who they are?  What a scam!  Like, I actually break out in nervous hives and start sweating profusely just thinking about it.  (This is the stuff that keeps me up at night, people.)

Send selfies to my mom.  This morning’s was titled “FALL IS COMING!!!!!!!”  See below.
(Confirmed:  My poor parents are never getting grandchildren.)

Forget where I am when I break out into dance.  Most times, I’m on the subway.  I blame Robin Thicke and Justin Timberlake entirely.

Take off my pants within 30 seconds of getting home from work at night.  I know I’m not alone in this one.

Tell someone how many days are left until Christmas.  Even if it’s only April.  (139 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Spill food and/or drank all over myself.  Hey Frank, remember last week when I spilled an entire cup of scalding hot tea on myself because I tried to lay down while simultaneously balancing said cup of tea on my chest?  AND YOU SAY I’M NOT AWKWARD?!

Try to make friends with random people in the grocery store.  I sit at a desk by myself, all alone, every single day.  Sometimes I just need a friend, OKAY?
Introduce myself to someone I’ve already met.  Whoopsies.  Try to make a better impression next time?

Pretend to know what someone else is talking about when, in reality, I have no freakin’ clue.  This happens quite frequently when discussing current events, worldly issues, country music, and/or sports that aren’t hockey.  Smile and nod, people.  Smile and nod.

What’s the most awkward thing you’ve ever done?  Please share!

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07. August 2013 by Alyssa
Categories: Friends, Real Talk | Tags: , , , , , | 20 comments

Comments (20)

  1. “californians” gif for the win. LOVE your nails in that selfie. maybe your good nail polish take will get your parents some grandkids!

  2. Your use of Kristen Wiig GIFs in this post made my day. Too good.
    I am the QUEEN of awkward phone conversations. I get serious anxiety about answering the phone, and will put off making a call as long as possible. My most recent awkward moment was yesterday, when I muted my phone with my cheek, while a client was still talking to me, and I continued to respond for about 30seconds before I realized I had muted them. I was wondering why they weren’t responding to my question.. Biggest idiot ever right here.

    I am also totally with you on the pants thing…home is not a place for pants. Breaking out into dance is also something I do daily, especially in the grocery store. I mostly just do it to embarrass my friends though ! :)

    • My mom and I mute each other accidentally almost EVERY SINGLE TIME we talk on the phone. We just blame it on our fat cheeks. :)

  3. I fucking love Kristen Wiig. Speaking of awkward, last weekend a friend I were talking like the SNL ppl do in Californians. “Whatttttttttt do you meanuhhhh?’ I was annoyed with myself, but it was secretly the highlight of my weekend. So mature.

  4. we are twins i swear…either that or your stalking me and secretly see me when i also do all of the embarrassing things you just stated…but you forgot tripping over random objects. yeah that ones a classic for me.

    • I 100% fell down the stairs to my apartment yesterday while simultaneously answering a work e-mail and carrying grocery bags. My downstairs neighbor poked her head out to see if I was okay. +1 for me.

  5. Our lives, as told by kristen wiig. love it.

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