Hi, I’m Alyssa and I’m Super Awkward
Yesterday, Frank told me he’s never seen me be awkward.(Don’t ask.)
In other news, Frank is a raging liar.
I’d like to take this opportunity to disprove him and his asinine statement. Here are some awkward things that I do practically EVERY SINGLE DAY:
Freak out over how to answer the phone. Let’s face it; in the age of iPhones and caller ID, we ALL know who is on the other line when our phone rings. That being said, does anyone else feel extremely uncomfortable answering your phone by ASKING “HELLO?” when you already know who it is? Whether it’s a personal call or a professional call, I always feel like a cop-out. FORCING the other person to identify themselves when, in reality, you already know who they are? What a scam! Like, I actually break out in nervous hives and start sweating profusely just thinking about it. (This is the stuff that keeps me up at night, people.)
Send selfies to my mom. This morning’s was titled “FALL IS COMING!!!!!!!” See below.
(Confirmed: My poor parents are never getting grandchildren.)
Forget where I am when I break out into dance. Most times, I’m on the subway. I blame Robin Thicke and Justin Timberlake entirely.
Take off my pants within 30 seconds of getting home from work at night. I know I’m not alone in this one.
Tell someone how many days are left until Christmas. Even if it’s only April. (139 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Spill food and/or drank all over myself. Hey Frank, remember last week when I spilled an entire cup of scalding hot tea on myself because I tried to lay down while simultaneously balancing said cup of tea on my chest? AND YOU SAY I’M NOT AWKWARD?!
Try to make friends with random people in the grocery store. I sit at a desk by myself, all alone, every single day. Sometimes I just need a friend, OKAY?
Introduce myself to someone I’ve already met. Whoopsies. Try to make a better impression next time?
Pretend to know what someone else is talking about when, in reality, I have no freakin’ clue. This happens quite frequently when discussing current events, worldly issues, country music, and/or sports that aren’t hockey. Smile and nod, people. Smile and nod.
What’s the most awkward thing you’ve ever done? Please share!