I’ve tried to keep quiet the past 4 days.
I don’t like carrying hatred in my heart and I firmly believe that every human is entitled to their own opinion.
That’s the beauty of a democracy after all.
But I cannot keep quiet anymore.
The world turned upside down on Tuesday, November 8th.
And, ever since, I’ve been forced to work through every uncomfortable emotion possible:
I’ll never forget how eerily and uncharacteristically quiet the streets were that evening as I walked home alone.
The walk was just a few blocks.
It felt more like miles.
The results had yet to be officially announced, but I left because I knew.
We all knew.
I let myself into my dark apartment, sat down on my couch and weeped like a coward.
I shut off my cell phone. I couldn’t bear to see the inevitable New York Times breaking news alert come through without warning once it was official. I wanted to hold on to my naivety for as long as I could.
I knew that dawn would bring a terrible reality and I wasn’t ready to face it.
But dawn came and the nightmare began.
In the coming days, I think many of us were forced to work through our own various stages of grief.
For me, it began with sadness.
I had to fly out of town for work the morning of the 9th.
No one spoke in the car on the way to the airport. The absence of noise was painful.
The air was just as thick with silence once we got to JFK.
It was evident we weren’t the only ones in mourning.
On the plane, the flight attendant attempted to hand out newspapers to the passengers. Not a single one of us accepted. We weren’t brave enough to face the headline on the front page.
The next morning, I woke up angry.
I was angry at every person celebrating this “victory”.
I was angry at every person laughing it off, not understanding what it truly meant for our country.
I was angry at every person in my life who I learned had voted red.
I was angry at every person and every media outlet (ahem) that was already normalizing this evil man.
I was just angry.
Day three and the sadness returned.
It was gutting and disappointing to continue learning that many people I love and admire played a part in making this man our President-Elect. Mothers. Fathers. Friends. Family. Teachers. So-called Christians.
The frustration came in waves and weighed so heavily on my heart that it brought me to tears. On multiple occasions.
And, though it almost killed me, I TRIED to see it from their side. I really did. But their argument was that they voted for this man DESPITE his flaws and, quite frankly, that’s an unacceptable answer.
When you vote for a Presidential candidate, you are backing their beliefs by default. ALL of them. You can’t pick and choose which causes you’d like to support. It’s an all-or-nothing scenario, especially when this candidate holds the potential to single-handedly serve as the voice for an entire nation.
A vote for Trump was a vote for racism, xenophobia, sexism, homophobia and bullying, no matter which way you spin it. Even if that wasn’t your intent, it is now your impact. You may not be these things yourself, but you’ve CONSCIOUSLY decided that these beliefs aren’t deal-breakers. Think about that. Your actions have given this monster a NATIONAL platform to spew his hatred. And you don’t get to take that back.
A vote for Trump was a giant “fuck you” to your neighbor of color, your gay best friend and every woman in your life. A vote for Trump was the most hypocritical move that any parent could EVER make if they’re trying to raise their children to be DECENT HUMANS. What does electing a bully teach them? That you can have a temper, mock a person with a disability, grab a woman by her p*ssy and still come out on top? You’ve just failed them. You’ve failed us all.
Ladies and gentlemen, Donald Trump named Stephen Bannon, an OPEN AND AGGRESSIVE RACIST AND ANTI-SEMITIC PROPAGANDIST AND WHITE SUPREMACIST, as his Chief Strategist and Senior Counselor. Guess what? We will all be paying this man’s salary. That makes me sick.
Mike Pence, our Vice President-Elect, believes that we should DEFUND HIV RESEARCH and instead use the money to fund GAY CONVERSION THERAPY. Yes, you heard that right. Our new VP believes that SHOCK THERAPY WILL “CURE THE GAYS”.
Please let that sink in. I’ll wait.
For all of you who think we’re just being dramatic liberals, rest assured.
We are simply Americans coming to the horrific realization that we’ve just been set back decades and that our beloved country is suddenly a terrifying place to call home.
I have tried so hard to not stereotype the other side.
As I stated earlier, I do understand that we live in a democracy and that everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
But this election has felt very personal for me. It affects so many people I love. It affects our children and their futures. It affects our families. It affects our neighbors. It affects our safety and our national security. (Reminder: this man will soon hold our nuclear codes. Reminder #2: he has the temperament of a 6-year-old. Reminder #3: he has NEVER held a political position but did once star in a reality television show called Celebrity Apprentice.)
Guys, this is a Presidential Candidate who is being PUBLICLY ENDORSED BY THE KKK. I cannot reason with ANYONE who isn’t terrified by this fact. I can only pray for them.
So, where do we go from here?
We fight for the causes we believe in.
We fight for equality.
We fight for freedom of speech.
We fight for our brothers and sisters who are being told they no longer matter. The ones who are being told in no uncertain terms that they’re no longer welcome here.
And we hold this man accountable every step of the way.
If you feel desperate, please know you’re not alone.
If you feel angry, you’re not alone.
If you feel enraged, you’re not alone.
If you feel scared – nay, terrified – you’re not alone.
It’s okay to feel this way.
And for as long as you need to.
I was raised to follow the Golden Rule:
“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
Donald Trump goes against everything this rule stands for. And, even worse, he relishes in that fact.
This bully may have conned his way into winning the Presidential election, but he will never be MY President.
And you know what?
America was already great.
Back from a 2.5 year hiatus to blow off some steam,
1. Age is just a number.
2. You should not EVER feel guilty for being happy.
3. You will not die if you forego making your bed every once in a while.
4. There are times you should try harder, and there are times you should just walk away.
5. The “perfect moment” doesn’t exist. When you want (or need) to do something, DO IT.
8. Pretending to be perfect does not make you perfect. Let your flaws shine.
9. If it’s unfit for all of the eyes of the world, don’t publish it to the Internet.
10. Setting your expectations low will allow you the chance to be pleasantly surprised.
11. Not much is worth fighting about.
14. When choosing between anything and family, the answer is always family.
15. What you admire in others, you possess somewhere inside of you.
16. There will always be something new to learn, whether it’s a worldly issue or just how to style your hair without looking like a wet dog.
17. It’s okay to miss out on things. You cannot be everywhere and do everything.
18. Your apologies won’t always be accepted. Learn how to forgive yourself when someone else won’t.
19. Everything is not always black and white. There is not always a “right” answer.
20. Being an introvert isn’t something to be ashamed of.
23. If you don’t know something, don’t pretend you do.
24. Making someone else feel special will always make you feel special in return.
25. Relationships take work. Give them the attention and care that they deserve.
26. All good things must come to an end.
And, with that being said —
As I embark upon my 26th year of life, the time has come to say goodbye to this (very public) chapter of my life. You may have seen this coming, as it’s been months since I’ve posted anything of substance. I’ve loved having this space to collect my thoughts, share my words, and connect with so many different people. However, I think I’ve graduated from the notion that I need to share every detail of my life. The time has come for me to shine more attention on other areas of my life. My family. My friends. My job. Myself.
Thanks for all of the love and encouragement over the past 3 1/2 years. I’m a completely different person than I was when I first landed here, and I’m excited and ready to see what the future holds.
Until next time. Whenever that may be.
In Case You Missed It:
“And at some point, deep in the night, when we were swinging on the jungle gym and showers of sparks were flying out of our mouths, I had the epiphany that laughter was light, and light was laughter, and that this was the secret of the universe”.
Happy New Year, beautiful people!
To all of my friends in the Tri-State Area, I hope you’re staying warm and safe. I, for one, wiped out four separate times while walking to work this morning. Four! (Relax mom, I’m fine.) When it comes to inclement weather, I feel like Hoboken is the redheaded stepchild of the greater New York area. The streets in the city are always plowed and salted right away and yet, somehow, I’m always climbing over mounds of snow and ice in Hoboken to get from my apartment to the path. What gives?
I digress. If that’s my biggest complaint of 2014, I consider myself to be very lucky.
I’ve definitely been no stranger to snow lately. This was my home for the last four nights of 2013:
Pretty, right? We all joined forces and rented a log cabin in Bridgewater, Vermont in an attempt to ring in the new year as far away from NYC as possible. Mission accomplished. (Cover fees and stilettos in the snow are a few of my LEAST favorite things. I much prefer flannel and fireplaces.)
Funny side-story: On our drive up to Vermont, we stopped for snacks at a gas station. The woman behind the register stopped Megan, Chelsea and I and asked if she could take our picture to send to her husband. She went on to explain that sometimes, when she asks him what he’d like for dinner, he responds: “A buffet. One blonde, one redhead, and one brunette.” We got out of there real fast.
Bridgewater was absolutely beautiful. Our house was surrounded on all sides by wide open spaces and mountains. Quite the change of scenery for someone who spends her life inside of a concrete jungle.
On our first full day in Vermont, we decided to go skiing in Killington. I’m just going to go ahead and admit that this was probably NOT the smartest decision I’ve ever made. Why? Well, if you know me at all, you probably know that coordination has never been my strong point. I’m sure you know where this is going…
Why, yes. That’s me. In a tree. Nothing to see here.
Here is where I extend a most sincere THANK YOU to my amazing friends who are as patient as saints. They coached me down the slopes, helped me out of several trees/bushes/ditches, pulled me up from my (multiple) wipeouts, and didn’t let me give up — even when I threatened to take off my skis and walk down the rest of the hill.
At the end of the day, when we were all ready to call it quits, we had to take one last ride up the mountain to get to our car. The only way up was via a heavy-duty gondola, as opposed to the standard ski-lifts we’d been taking all day. This should have been Red Flag #1.
After TWENTY FREAKIN’ ANXIETY-RIDDEN MINUTES on the gondola, I started to realize that we weren’t stopping. Nope, we were headed straight for the top of the damn mountain. Red Flag #2.
“Um, Delvec, will there be a green slope up there for me?”
Red Flag #3.
We finally made it to the top and, as I feared, there were only two ways down: an intermediate slope and a black diamond slope. I took this picture to capture what I assumed to be the final moments of my life.
And, off we went.
I had made it halfway down the mountain without falling — a miracle! — when I was suddenly struck with fear; staring down at the steepest and bumpiest slope I’d yet to see. Normally, I would have just closed my eyes and flung my body downhill (a real professional, I tell you) but I couldn’t run the risk of barreling full force onto the black diamond slope, inconveniently located straight ahead of me.
After a pep talk from Matt, I knew I had to go for it
unless I wanted to die of hypothermia alone on a mountain in Vermont. Tom had also promised to buy me a beer if I made it down the entire slope without falling, and I was determined. I took a deep breath and slowly started my descent. Welp, “slow” turned quickly into “wayyy too fast” and, before I knew it, I was going 110 MPH (I think) and headed straight for the black diamond.
I had only one choice: WIPE OUT. And you better believe I did. Hard. So hard, in fact, that I landed on my stomach with my face buried in the snow; one ski flying completely off and the other ski smacking me in the back of the head. Delvec rushed to my side.
“Are you okay?!”
“Don’t tell Tom I wiped out. I want my beer.”*
The rest of the trip, while not nearly as eventful, was a total blast. We made a solid effort to get out and explore; eating good food, drinking good beer, and shopping for the essentials.
The house we stayed in was also great. We had an outdoor hot tub, a fireplace, a griddle (that was somehow always full of sizzling bacon), and multiple kegs.
And did I mention the Beer Olympics? I don’t want to brag, but Team Germany was in first place the last time I checked.
As Dave Matthews once said, it’s “not where but who you’re with that really matters” and I couldn’t have asked for a greater group of friends to celebrate the beginning of 2014 with. I know I’m lucky, and I remind myself of that often.
I love my people.
*It should be noted that Tom never did buy me that beer.
Spend less time behind a screen.
Spend more time out exploring the world.
Ask more questions.
Always give 110%; whether it be to friendships, to family, to work, or to taking care of myself.
Be present in every moment.
Make an honest effort to be less anal.
2013. Holy cow. What a year it has been.
This year has had it’s trials and tribulations, as all years do. But I must say, I feel like 2013 was a defining year in my life. I learned a lot about myself. I learned a lot about the world. I feel like I’m beginning 2014 as a smarter and wiser individual — one who is more compassionate, more determined, and more patient. (Patient? I never thought I’d see the day!)
I know this recap is a few days premature, but I’m heading to Vermont for New Year’s Eve and am most CERTAINLY not bringing my computer with me. (35 friends in one house for five nights. I know. Pray for us.)
Without further adieu, here’s a look back on the last 365 days of my wonderful life:
We went ice skating in beautiful Bryant Park. Chelsea and I got a personal trainer. (That didn’t last long.) HOCKEY MADE A TRIUMPHANT RETURN. We threw a “hands on” dinner party for our best friends. I cooked for
pretty much the first time ever. I also threw a carton of Almond Milk out of our window and it hit our neighbor in the face. I will never forget that.
We went to our first hockey game of the season. I won another contest and flew to St. Louis for 24 hours to see Lady Gaga, up close and personal. (I may or may not have made a fool of myself on camera.) I escaped a blizzard by jet-setting to Miami, and then London. We got bored and rented a car for no reason at all. Tom had us over for one of the most epic brunches ever. My friends Jesse and Justin launched TIE THE KNOT! And then, Frank and I gave up social media. Oh, the horror.
We all participated in Cycle for Survival in honor of our beautiful friend Kristen. (Disclaimer: Four hours of spinning while hungover is one of the LEAST pleasant experiences one can ever have in life.) I shot engagement photos for my friends in Central Park. We saw SHM at MSG. (We also saw Patrik Elias at the Short Hills Mall. I’m not sure which was more exciting.) WE POSTED VOLUME 1 OF FRIDAYS WITH FRANKIE D. My eyes just welled up with tears. I turned 25, and paid my very first visit to Drybar with all my gal pals. I also think I went to Canada for a day? Yes, I definitely went to Canada for a day.
April was a crazy month. I flew to Los Angeles. Then to Beijing. Then back to Los Angeles. Then to Portland. Then? ITALY — where we ended up spending more time in a car (driving from coast to coast) than we did at our actual hotel. Frank continued to cook in my absence. Later in the month, he launched his website! Our best friends from high school came to visit us in the big city. We paid Yankee Stadium a much overdue visit.
The madness continued. I went to São Paulo, Brazil and never wanted to come home. Shortly after, I went to Manila! It was one of the most incredible cities I’ve ever been to. My friends got engaged, and I was in on the surprise! Frank started his roof garden, and we made a few enemies. I went to the Hamptons for the first time and had a wonderful (and chilly) Memorial Day Weekend with KP.
My little brother graduated college! I celebrated my three year anniversary of living in Hoboken… with boys. We played on our roof. A lot. The summer started on a good night with a visit from K-Smooth and a trip to the theater.
I fulfilled my lifelong dream of singing at an Open Mic Night. We made our first trip down to Ocean Grove, where we drank way too much beer at The Parker House and invented blanking. Frank started doing crazy things, like waking up at 5:00am to make pizza dough. I got slapped in the face. I shot engagement photos for two of the most wonderful people I know. I went to Cincinnati, Ohio and ate WAY too much Skyline Chili (above). We headed back to Ocean Grove for one of the most fun weekends of my entire life.
I went to Newport and had an absolute blast celebrating Lindsey and Charlie’s wedding with all of my old co-workers. I went to my first country concert, and explored Brooklyn with my mom and dad. The girls invited me to see Donovan Frankenreiter at the Brooklyn Bowl. Holly and I saw “Wicked” in Boston. Oh, and FRANK AND I WENT TO THE VMA’S.
We ate at Toro and it exceeded our expectations. I carved pumpkins, more than once. We went through the TOUCH TUNNEL at the Liberty Science Center. I saw an original Banksy on the streets of NYC. MY BIG BROTHER GOT ENGAGED TO THE MOST WONDERFUL GIRL ON THE PLANET!!! And, once again, Halloween ended up being the perfect opportunity for me to show the world that I AM MY HAIR.
Alex and I went to the first annual YouTube Music Awards, and they were bizarre. I finally got to try a CRONUT. My cute roommate turned 26, and we celebrated with karaoke and a mimosa bar. I had the great honor of shooting Nick and Anna’s engagement photos, and I got asked to be a bridesmaid! We went to see Macklemore at MSG. My mom and I spent a lovely day together in the Big Apple. I spent Thanksgiving at home with the people I love most.
We donned our ugly sweaters. More than once. I got to go home for my momma’s annual Christmas Cookie Baking Day. (And then I gained 5 pounds.) Kelsey threw a Ramen Noodle party, and it was a hit. Hayley and I went to see The Nutcracker at Lincoln Center! My dearest friend Catherine came to town for a long overdue reunion. Christmas Day was magical, as always.
Though there have been times I’ve been tempted to stop blogging for good, I’m glad I haven’t given up on this little space. It’s so wonderful to reflect upon all that’s happened in the past year, and how much I’ve grown.
Here’s to the next 365 days. Let’s make them our best yet, okay?
Thank you for reading!